Wet dreams, here I come!

Time for some sexy sleep.

Step 1: Spelling bee or exit Idiocracy

First, I'd like to declare copyright on the following term:The Raintherlands.
I hereby define thee: "The area where The Netherlands is, but then with rain clouds pouring down on it, like there's no tomorrow.'' aka. Dutch summertime.

Ok, after some warm-up posts procrastination, it's time to get down to business ''Band-aid rip'' style!

For about 1 year, I lived in a normal Dutch home, with normal Dutchies, who spoke a lot of normal Dutch. Now and then, I'd recognize words from English, French and Latin, but only when they were spoken slooooowly. In writing, still jibberish.

So, there I was, chewing that thought over and over again in my mind, as if it were the food in my mouth: if pictures do wonders for my visual education and ideas, then spelling can do wonders for my auditive education.

 Rule #1: Learn how to spell! Learn it, repeat it, dream it, until you're able to spell SCHEVENINGEN like a pro.

 Picture yourself to be that nazi bastard, coming on Dutch shore, ready to conquer their land, women and delicious cheese without guns and the asshole mentality, but with one word: SCHEVENINGEN.

Make it your mantra, make it your "Rosebud".

Be that Citizen Cane, own that bitch and make it famous!

Why is it spelling so important? Because once you master something phonetically, your brain picks up the pace and identifies words that you already knew or half-knew. And, believe you me, once you recognize something familiar in a very odd and new language, your memory embraces it and makes sweet love to it.

Eazy-peazy!

Good sites to get your basics are TAAL KLAS and TAAL HUIS .

Taal Klas doesn't care about your password and username, so make as many as you want. Write it down somewhere, if you care about tracking progress.

Aanmelden/Inloggen = log in

Registreren = to register

Good posts on spelling and learning: An Englishman's Difficulties with the Dutch and Fun with Dutch!

Once upon a time, the Dutchies were the greatest in the world, sailed the seas and had kick-ass fleets! They have done a LOT of traveling, thus, words from their language have been left behind in the English language.

They also took a stupid decision to trade New York, which was the nail in the coffin. Perhaps if they hadn't, we'd be all talking Dutch now and all Yankees ''are belong'' to Jan Kaas!

My tools of trade in real paper to study Dutch were: HUGO - Dutch in 3 months(odd&quirky galore) and a Pocket Dictionary, along with his big sister, Lonely Planet Phrasebook.
The HUGO CDs will come in handy when trying to hear what you are doing, because they spell slowly, for beginners.

Listening is important. Repeating, likewise.

If you're a rich daddy/mommy, you can go for Van Dale Groot Beeldwoordenboek (Picture Dictionary).

Before anything, to avoid stupid questions, read The Undutchables. It will explain some of your upcoming frustrations that other people had before you.

Your GoTo site from now on is and forever will be: GOOGLE TRANSLATE.

Rosetta Stone method is ok, if you're not lazy. It's a good mix of audio/visual education, but you really need to be into it and practise.

If you need someone to push you into the water, you can opt for an INBURGERING COURSE(exercise page) or NT2 course. Depending on your financial situation, Inburgering(english)can be free, sponsored by the City Hall(Gemeente) and the 2nd one you need to pay(or can be partially sponsored by the Gemeente). NT2 is split into 2 steps: 1(medium) and 2(advanced)

I've done both: the Inburgering Course was with Capabel Taal and the NT2-part1 with Roc Mondriaan.

They are both good in their own way: Inburgering is a very useful tool, but they don't teach you the language(grammar). However, being in a group with people from all over the world(people who want to take the course and people who MUST take the course) has its perks, the IQ can differ, so can the social background. I confess that my time spent there has taught me a lot, culture wise.

You learn how to handle yourself in the NL and one demand of the final exam is to put together a Portfolio of actions.

In that portfolio there are some given tasks: create a bank account, place a CV, write a letter of intent, have an interview, inscribe yourself with a job seeking agency or online, how to act and interact within the Dutch society etc. They teach you how the system works: education, health, City Hall, Well-fare, everything.

The teachers I had in both courses were great! Explaining in English was the last resort, they would first try and explain through simpler words what they meant or images. Again, very helpful and patient people. I owe my conversational Dutch entirely to them.

So, for that, thank you. To you and Google Translate.

FML warning: most of things here are in DUTCH. Even if you go to the City Hall to register, speak with them in English, mark your territory by making it clear you're an expat and their indigenous language is not something that you understand, they will nod, smile at you and then 1 week later you'll get your letter in Dutch.

Get used to it and to the 0800 number you'd have to call to ask them wtf they want from you and why do you have to pay over 100EURO for something you don't understand to begin with.

Rule #2: Make Dutch friends. Nice people, not assholes. The friendship rule always applies, doesn't matter in what country you reside.

Rule #3: Keep your Dutch friends close, but Google Translate closer.

Porno Post

In a parallel universe/alternate world, where I am a guy, I blog about this by typing it in with my hard-on.
That's right...NO HANDS! woohoo!

Caturday falls this Friday

Might as well be my sis and I. If we had guy voices. And we were cats. Who knew the words to Pat-a-Cake.

I will drink to that.

Just sayin'.

Steve Jobs pulls a Putin

Goodbye and thank you for all the fish.
Putin and Gates would be proud.



It's not raining today. Maybe I should walk my Asus Transformer in the park.
You're welcome.


Meanwhile, in Expatica land, it's DutchBabylon, y'all!

Online Window Shopping (OWS)

It's my greatest internet addiction by far. You can find me ogling shoes and clothes, you can even call me a fashion voyeur, I don't care. As long as my credit card won't get raped by magpie random purchases, I'm good with any name.

Lately, I've been drawn more than usual to the ASOS site and Facebook page. I am absolutely in love with the way they suggest their products on Facebook, in their Something for the weekend category (ogle to the left).

Sure, it's marketing and advertising, but it's so frekking JUICY my eyes tear up.

As a former Ad Freak, I'm most likely to drool at clean layouts, just like any other copywriter/art director next door. Top that with International Shipping and I'm in!

You see, here in the Netherlands, at least in The Hague part, there are no hipsters, like in Amsterdam. That means I'm prone to look at brown, black, navy, ordinary clothes with no flattering lines or at kitschy, emo, K.Perry/Bieber-esque, dress-like-trash kind of trend. Not good.

Since I've been window-shopping online, I've noticed that good shops are mostly in the UK/US and don't deliver to my country (NL/RO). Also not good.

However, in my internet quest for the Simple, the Elegand and the Multifunctional I ran into some decent online shops that DO deliver internationally. But about that, ''a la long'' in another post.

For now, here's what ASOS is throwing my way that makes me wanna run in circles and giggle like a little girl: Shoe (way to expensive, but so effin pretty), Cape, Tights, Watch, Earrings, Bag 1, Bag 2, Bag 3 and 4 and... COLLAR(in Caps, because this one made me squeak).

In any case, I'll dedicate a label to this passion of mine and it shall be called.... OWS (Online Window Shopping). In secret, I call it my private lap dance. It's great, it's fashionable, it's FREE!!

And here at OWS, we have a motto:  

Wait 48h before buying anything! Chances are you won't want it anymore.

Meanwhile, in MeMe Land...

see more Rage Comics

Tru story. :]